This is my story, set out to help those who are caring to be more open about it at work and to receive the support they need. It is not in anyone's interest for those caring to have to step out of the workforce. We must find ways to be flexible in our support for them and retain their skills and experience at work.
Both my parents, in their 80s, had dementia. Dad's was more advanced. Mam's was not then recognised. Mam was adamant that dad should be kept at home rather than be admitted to a care home. They lived in Newcastle upon Tyne, where I grew up. They needed more and more help. My brother and I were keen to support them. But it was so hard!
I'd lived in Sussex for over 20 years. I had a family and a life there. I'd moved 325 miles from Newcastle for work after university and had a high-pressure corporate job in Hampshire.
So, that was my triangle of hell: Three counties that I needed to be in all the time. Whichever county I was in, I should have been in at least one of the others. I was failing everyone and everything. I wasn't doing anything well. I was exhausted. Eventually, I realised I needed help with my parents, and often at short notice. I had never expected caring to be so all-consuming, so unpredictable, and so challenging. It can be messy in every sense.
When I Googled to find help, I couldn't find support that I could request in near real-time. Everything had to be arranged during working hours and planned in advance, which didn’t reflect the reality of what I was dealing with.