The struggle to manage work when you're a carer

Founder and CEO of Myfolks, Louise Thompson, shares her story in this powerful blog, which highlights the often hidden problem of managing caring responsibilities whilst working and running a home.

One in seven employees is caring. "Caring" is looking after someone else who can't manage to care for themselves. It can be part-time or full-time, in the same house or remote. So many people don't even realise they fall into that category - they're just doing what you would do if a family member needed more help. However, it can quickly become complicated.

There are close to 10m carers in the UK. 59% are women.

Our elderly population is growing, and we will see more carers who are also working in the coming years. It is really important for the wider benefit of society that we are able to keep good workers in work, yet the strain of caring and working can drive employees to quit. How do we avoid that?

My story

This is my story, set out to help those who are caring to be more open about it at work and to receive the support they need. It is not in anyone's interest for those caring to have to step out of the workforce. We must find ways to be flexible in our support for them and retain their skills and experience at work.

Both my parents, in their 80s, had dementia. Dad's was more advanced. Mam's was not then recognised. Mam was adamant that dad should be kept at home rather than be admitted to a care home. They lived in Newcastle upon Tyne, where I grew up. They needed more and more help. My brother and I were keen to support them. But it was so hard!

I'd lived in Sussex for over 20 years. I had a family and a life there. I'd moved 325 miles from Newcastle for work after university and had a high-pressure corporate job in Hampshire.

So, that was my triangle of hell: Three counties that I needed to be in all the time. Whichever county I was in, I should have been in at least one of the others. I was failing everyone and everything. I wasn't doing anything well. I was exhausted. Eventually, I realised I needed help with my parents, and often at short notice. I had never expected caring to be so all-consuming, so unpredictable, and so challenging. It can be messy in every sense.

When I Googled to find help, I couldn't find support that I could request in near real-time. Everything had to be arranged during working hours and planned in advance, which didn’t reflect the reality of what I was dealing with.

Solving the problem

As a result of my experiences, I came up with Myfolks, a service that brings help to those you love the most at the press of a button.

It is clear that in more recent years, more is being done to help employees who are caring, but there is still much more to do.

Planning is imperative for both employers and employees who are caring or who may be called upon to care in the future.

All teams should encourage their employees to be open that they are caring and for discussions to take place about how flexible the work can be to help support them. It is important that it is safe to speak.

It is also helpful if there is a corporate senior sponsor or champion in an organisation, preferably someone who can be open about their own caring challenges and experiences.

Employees are generally entitled to 5 days of unpaid leave per year for caring responsibility, and unpaid time off for emergencies is also permitted. Is that well-known and supported in your organisation?

It is important that policies are in place that mean work is accessible to more than the person working on it in case it needs to be picked up in their absence. Facilitation of regular communication of where work is up to is important. Perhaps there could be a buddy system.

It also has to be incumbent on the employee who is caring to think about how they can ensure they can meet their contractual obligations whilst caring too - having a charger on standby at a parent's home is an invaluable tip - how many times did I arrive there in a rush only to find my laptop power cable was still plugged in at my desk?!! Have a dual set up ready to go as far as possible so you are ready to work from there at short notice. Of course, engaging support like Myfolks can take some of the pressure off.

If you're not caring yet, also talk with your parents about how caring for them is going to look in the coming years. Caring invariably happens suddenly, after an acute illness or episode. It always seems too early to plan for it ... right up until it is too late and stressful chaos ensues. Is the Lasting Power of Attorney in place? Ageing parents may be reluctant to discuss it - but if they don't, it could be the State that manages their affairs rather than you when the time comes.

Make sure you claim all allowances your parents are entitled to. For example, Attendance Allowance is not means-tested and could enable you to buy in support to help you stay focused at crucial times. Also, a diagnosis of dementia means a reduction in council tax.

Moving forwards

We are moving into a new phase professionally, economically and socially, when people are living longer but not always well and where public services are impossibly stretched. We need to do things differently. Losing skilled and experienced workers and rendering them uneconomically active makes no sense - particularly when any replacement for them is likely to face the same challenges. Much like proposal management, all the best work is done in the planning phase....

Written by Louise Thompson, Founder and CEO of the award-winning Myfolks Ltd. During Carers Week (10th-16th June), Louise chatted with Mike Coveney from the APMP UK Social Value Group about how her experiences over 25 years in leading roles in blue-chip technology companies and her personal caring responsibilities led her to found Myfolks. You can watch this event on APMP TV.

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